Memory is the diary we all carry about with us.....

Today, I was driving back home after dropping Addu to Pragati. Due to heavy traffic, vehicles were moving very slowly and I was driving peacefully, listening to music. Addu went happily to Pragati giving a sweet flying kiss to me, and I was driving back with that happiness. Then suddenly, memories started flashing in my mind.

 I remembered the time when  I would struggle in this kind of traffic with Addu. There are so many unpleasant memories, and now we have come a long long way.

I learned to drive 12 years ago to take Addu to therapies. It was a very difficult time in my life. Everyone was blaming me saying that bad parenting had led to Addu's autism. Not only that, everyone was concerned about my husband's job and how he should be able to focus on his job. So they wanted me to stay elsewhere with the kids so that he could concentrate better. But I wanted to continue in Bangalore to keep myself away from all the negative people. I realized that I was experiencing depression at that time because of the negative comments and allegations from the family members. However, I was not ready to give up. Somehow, I pushed myself to take initiative and learning to drive was my first step. I got a license, but I was struggling to drive a big car. So I told my husband that I need a small car, so that I can drive to Addu's intervention centers. But at that stage, all decisions were taken after discussing with family members, and so my husband was wondering how he could buy another car! I convinced him that no one would take care of our child's needs and we have to find our own way to do that. Then we bought a Nano that was launched at that time and we could buy it without taking a loan.

Then I started driving with Addu to Bubbles center for Autism which was 20 km away from our apartment. Addu was just 4 years old, very hyper, and would jump inside the car from front to back and he was not toilet trained. There were major traffic blocks on the way to Bubbles.

 We had to send Aadi to school at 7 am and then I had to take Addu by 7.45 am. I had to pack his breakfast and lunch,  get him ready and start on time. If we were 5 minutes late to start, we would get stuck in traffic and then wouldn't reach on time. After reaching school, I had to feed him and then send him to class. But if we were late Addu would get very upset and cry for a long time in class. So I was undergoing very high stress and anxiety every morning to reach on time. Otherwise, Addu wouldn't get any benefit from his classes. In all that running around, most of the days, I used to miss my breakfast. At that time, I was doing a special education course and practicals in Bubbles itself. So after sending Addu to class, I used to run, carrying my materials to take care of my practical work. Addu was attending only a 3 hour program and after that I had to drive back home. It would take more than an hour, and so I used to feed him before starting for home. 

Then again, struggling in  traffic and on the way, sometimes the engine would switch off and then everyone would shout and honk. I was worried about what Addu would be doing in the back and when he would jump to front. I was going through a very stressful phase. When we reached home, Addu would be full of energy and will be running around. I had to make sure that the balcony doors were closed properly and he is not climbing and jumping. Yes, I was always worried about his safety. I used to get too tired and was struggling a lot to manage all my responsibilities at home.

 One day while driving Addu took something into his mouth and I suddenly lost my focus and turned to Addu's side and car went slipped in to a field and fell down into an electric post. Addu and me were safe inside but I was in a great shock. I thought I may not be able to drive after that incident. But when we got the car from the service station after the repair, I decided to drive again, because I have no choice. I have to support my child, Only I can do that.

Two years I managed like this and then I told my husband to shift to a place where each of us can commute in a better way. I started having severe disc degeneration issues and Doctors suggested surgery. Then we shifted to the current place and so I have to go 9 km to Bubbles. After that only the situation became a little better and I was able to work with Addu in an effective way. Step by step Addu started improving and I also started handling all my responsibilities in a more seamless way.

Now we have come a long long way. Now I can say that all our efforts and hard work surely gave us the results. Life is more beautiful and peaceful, and we are enjoying each moment. We are not bothered about what other people think and say. We are taking decisions according to our needs. I changed a lot and empowered myself by completing special education, MA Psychology and other courses. Initially it was very difficult for me to get support from my husband but gradually he was able to understand my struggles and worries. My elder son Aadi also participated at every stage.

Now my husband is able to concentrate in his job and satisfied with his position. I am working as a Special education consultant and Phycologist, Aadi is doing his first year MBBS and our dear Addu is a productive member in the society with a valued role. Everyone is happy for doing what we love to do.

This morning all these memories came to my mind and I smiled 😊.

It was not easy but we managed to change it into a beautiful journey filled with love. Life is beautiful!!

Smrithy